Oh my goodness. My friends Dan and Amy got married yesterday. I am sitting here crying out of joy for them. I knew Dan in college, was in Istanbul with him...was with him and Amy both in Istanbul...they went on their first real date in April and he proposed that night and now they are married. WOW!
I remember talking to Dan one night at ISU about his process of finding the one and his views on the whole thing. He lives in Qatar and Amy in India. And when God prompted him to do something, he did it!...and they'll figure out the details later! That's amazing. So amazing. God is so faithful. And what encourages me so much is Amy knew that Dan was the one for her. She knew. She didn't talk about it much, but she knew.
God is so good to us. I could not put two people more right for each other together. They are PERFECT for one another. So glad that Dan did something about it when God called him to!
I've added Amy's wonderfully updated blog to my list of must-reads. I can't wait to see what God does through their marriage. They are a power couple for our Lord!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Meet the MotorManiac
Tonight I was just pulling my truck out of the driveway. The traffic to the left had stopped for me and I had a clear gap in the oncoming from the right. It was one of those hours. Out of nowhere, it seems the traffic from the right was speeding at me so I excelerated so that they wouldn't have to slow down so much. Not a close call by any means.
When out of NOWHERE the motorcycle in the lead starts tailing me and comes up alongside my backend on the leftside of the vehicle, riding the double yellow line. He stays there. I'm thinking he's insane. He is. So then he passes me on the right and as he is he turns looks straight at me, puts his hand up to his face with his first two fingers pointing to his eyes (like Meet the Parents) and speeds away. Like, I'm watching you. Yeah okay Satan, way to try to scare me. I pulled into Trader Joes, got my milkshake goodies, a couple bottles of French reds and ran into wonderful Rob Roberts on my way out.
I know that person was clearly acting on some sort of demonic prompting. A lady told me earlier this week how her husband was in line at a store and the woman in front of him, really nicely dressed, turned out, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Your family is going to fail." She proceed to turn around, place her order and that was it. Kooky.
I remember before God really got a hold of me that I had similar outbursts. I would seemingly lose complete control of myself and be so rude or angry or just disgusting that I even shocked myself. God is good. Thank you for saving me.
Talked to Dad tonight. He is so cute. He sounds pretty ill, but he assures me he's not. His arthawrongis is hurting him...but he also assures me he is going to live many more years, well into age. I think I laughed. Would you look at his faith? Faith is not blind if it is based on something God told you. God must have spoken pretty clearly to him for him to remain so positive in the face of the continual barrage of bad news coming his way. God bless him and heal him.
I'm looking forward to Friday night as I am taking the youth group out to a play. Pretty exciting. We are going to AstroBurger first. Also, very exciting. And I've arranged for a backstage tour for them so they can ask questions or just understand it all a little better. The changes in the group structure and leadership have me wondering what God has planned. Tonight my pastor's wife really encouraged me and put many of my worries to rest. She said they were realising that youth group didn't have to be done the way it has always been done. That a woman can lead it...it doesn't have to be a man. That's incredible. We'll see, huh? No wonder Mr. MotorManiac was after me after that conversation.
I'm happy to be alive. God is renewing me. I have this sense of purpose because of this new endeavor with the kids...with LCi going well...dog walking is well, dog walking (great on the figure, but a bit tiring)...and my dad so up in spirits, he might just float away. I reiterate, God is good.
(Oh and Monday I went back to my old mentorship group that I hadn't made it to in 10 months. God re-confirming the direction, renewing my faith...in the unseen promises and reconnecting me with old friends. Just wonderful!)
Paix.
When out of NOWHERE the motorcycle in the lead starts tailing me and comes up alongside my backend on the leftside of the vehicle, riding the double yellow line. He stays there. I'm thinking he's insane. He is. So then he passes me on the right and as he is he turns looks straight at me, puts his hand up to his face with his first two fingers pointing to his eyes (like Meet the Parents) and speeds away. Like, I'm watching you. Yeah okay Satan, way to try to scare me. I pulled into Trader Joes, got my milkshake goodies, a couple bottles of French reds and ran into wonderful Rob Roberts on my way out.
I know that person was clearly acting on some sort of demonic prompting. A lady told me earlier this week how her husband was in line at a store and the woman in front of him, really nicely dressed, turned out, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Your family is going to fail." She proceed to turn around, place her order and that was it. Kooky.
I remember before God really got a hold of me that I had similar outbursts. I would seemingly lose complete control of myself and be so rude or angry or just disgusting that I even shocked myself. God is good. Thank you for saving me.
Talked to Dad tonight. He is so cute. He sounds pretty ill, but he assures me he's not. His arthawrongis is hurting him...but he also assures me he is going to live many more years, well into age. I think I laughed. Would you look at his faith? Faith is not blind if it is based on something God told you. God must have spoken pretty clearly to him for him to remain so positive in the face of the continual barrage of bad news coming his way. God bless him and heal him.
I'm looking forward to Friday night as I am taking the youth group out to a play. Pretty exciting. We are going to AstroBurger first. Also, very exciting. And I've arranged for a backstage tour for them so they can ask questions or just understand it all a little better. The changes in the group structure and leadership have me wondering what God has planned. Tonight my pastor's wife really encouraged me and put many of my worries to rest. She said they were realising that youth group didn't have to be done the way it has always been done. That a woman can lead it...it doesn't have to be a man. That's incredible. We'll see, huh? No wonder Mr. MotorManiac was after me after that conversation.
I'm happy to be alive. God is renewing me. I have this sense of purpose because of this new endeavor with the kids...with LCi going well...dog walking is well, dog walking (great on the figure, but a bit tiring)...and my dad so up in spirits, he might just float away. I reiterate, God is good.
(Oh and Monday I went back to my old mentorship group that I hadn't made it to in 10 months. God re-confirming the direction, renewing my faith...in the unseen promises and reconnecting me with old friends. Just wonderful!)
Paix.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Nonsense & Nice Toe Nails
It's frankly too early to be up writing. But given that my back pain, which has turned into sore, stiff leg pain, has been not allowing me to sleep much...what choices do I have? Also, for those of you who remember two years ago and the ganglion incident, the subsequent double healing (and then praying over it at Asuza for sustained healing...which worked)...I am indifferent to report that the ganglion is back. Although it has moved slightly to the southwest of my hand...I noticed that my hand looked broken while driving the other day. Alas...it's back.
I'm finding the whole bucket of "getting older" pretty much sucks. I keep digging to find some gold that sifted to the bottom but I'm pretty sure that college were the golden years and I missed it...having had boys and alcohol on my mind. I missed it. What is with all the aches and pains where you were injured coming to haunt you as you age? What is with the wrinkles that get worse when you're stressed? Have things always been this way but I just have more time to notice these things now? Somedays I wonder if Adam and Eve hadn't failed, would I still be here? Am I at all a by-product of sin? So if I was still created in a perfect world, wow...aging would be wonderful!
So...deterioration is normal. My pastor was telling us in a staff time that he's got to have knee surgery because he was something like 5 tares...and he pretty much lives with pain all the time. I remember in my idiot-ness of my youth I judged my mother because of her frality, her sickness and her pain. I judged her all the time. I encouraged her to get over it. Granted, she could have complained less...etc...but I had NO compassion for her whatsoever that her pains and sickness were real. It seems I am finally getting a glimpse of how dumb and rude I've been all these years.
Something happened last November when I found out that Superman/the Bionic Man/my dad had a tumor and my gut knew it was cancer. Suddenly my fantasy world, which he had built for us both, with his own two hands of predictable, "I'm healthy, always healthy" or "Never felt better" replies were given for simple "How are you?" exchanges. His world of denial, his bottles of Advil a week and my belief that it was possible to be totally healthy and never experience pain even into your 60s were brought into light. The following week I got into a pretty bad car accident and still feel the effects. (Talk about bringing a lesson home!) I hope every morning that I will wake with my body feeling like it did when I woke up at 14...but every morning I am reminded that this life is temporary. Every morning (and the subsequent frequent awakenings due to my back pain during the night) I am reminded that my time is short and I'd better live for something important because I don't know what next year holds.
My dad has become real in the last 7 months. I wish you knew him. I wish everyone knew him. He's a little Robin Williams and not really comparable to anyone else because he's really unique. He's Scott Williams Sherk and I fear he's not got long. That's so hard to write, so hard to say. The doctors told him he can quit chemo at any time he chooses...bascially, it's not working. I wrote a couple poems last week. I'll post them here to share with you.
You Weren't Meant to Die
The guttural groans
sound like old cedars
swaying in the wind
crying out against the pull.
In protest they long for
the stability of their youth
the strength, the brute tenacity
of reaching for the stars
as roots dug deeper
and water was easily found.
The salty streams
flow downward nocturnally
seeking out the lower grounds
needing a balm that heals.
So raw the places in these depths
like caverns undiscovered
full of sharp-edges and bright colors
waiting for some light to reveal
their incomparable beauty
that just the sound of the oncoming flood
brings unprecedented uncertainty
with tenderness shrinking
yet in bravery pulsing
at the thought of what change
might mean.
--Kristin Jo Sherk, 07.10.2007
Calling
I’m sad without you, baby.
Your petname is still up for debate.
How would you like to be called?
I’ll take it into consideration.
Honey, what’s Friday look like for you?
I’ll take Friday and Saturday and Sunday, too.
Can you drive a little faster, dear?
It’s lonely without you.
You missed another birthday, bear.
And Christmas wasn’t the same without you.
My daddy’s sick, honey.
Please come quickly, we haven’t got long.
--Kristin Jo Sherk, 07.10.2007
So lastly, a moment of appreciation for some concerted effort and wisdom from age. Simply that...painted toenails are very lovely. Seeing my own toenails growing and painted brings me simple joy that I didn't know I was being robbed of for so long...I had no clue! Happy to report I love having long(er) toe and fingernails. Totally nonsensical...but life's simplicities, created by God, are there for the taking. And I'm taking.
Have a wonderful day! May you know Him more and in knowing Him may you know your purpose.
I'm finding the whole bucket of "getting older" pretty much sucks. I keep digging to find some gold that sifted to the bottom but I'm pretty sure that college were the golden years and I missed it...having had boys and alcohol on my mind. I missed it. What is with all the aches and pains where you were injured coming to haunt you as you age? What is with the wrinkles that get worse when you're stressed? Have things always been this way but I just have more time to notice these things now? Somedays I wonder if Adam and Eve hadn't failed, would I still be here? Am I at all a by-product of sin? So if I was still created in a perfect world, wow...aging would be wonderful!
So...deterioration is normal. My pastor was telling us in a staff time that he's got to have knee surgery because he was something like 5 tares...and he pretty much lives with pain all the time. I remember in my idiot-ness of my youth I judged my mother because of her frality, her sickness and her pain. I judged her all the time. I encouraged her to get over it. Granted, she could have complained less...etc...but I had NO compassion for her whatsoever that her pains and sickness were real. It seems I am finally getting a glimpse of how dumb and rude I've been all these years.
Something happened last November when I found out that Superman/the Bionic Man/my dad had a tumor and my gut knew it was cancer. Suddenly my fantasy world, which he had built for us both, with his own two hands of predictable, "I'm healthy, always healthy" or "Never felt better" replies were given for simple "How are you?" exchanges. His world of denial, his bottles of Advil a week and my belief that it was possible to be totally healthy and never experience pain even into your 60s were brought into light. The following week I got into a pretty bad car accident and still feel the effects. (Talk about bringing a lesson home!) I hope every morning that I will wake with my body feeling like it did when I woke up at 14...but every morning I am reminded that this life is temporary. Every morning (and the subsequent frequent awakenings due to my back pain during the night) I am reminded that my time is short and I'd better live for something important because I don't know what next year holds.
My dad has become real in the last 7 months. I wish you knew him. I wish everyone knew him. He's a little Robin Williams and not really comparable to anyone else because he's really unique. He's Scott Williams Sherk and I fear he's not got long. That's so hard to write, so hard to say. The doctors told him he can quit chemo at any time he chooses...bascially, it's not working. I wrote a couple poems last week. I'll post them here to share with you.
You Weren't Meant to Die
The guttural groans
sound like old cedars
swaying in the wind
crying out against the pull.
In protest they long for
the stability of their youth
the strength, the brute tenacity
of reaching for the stars
as roots dug deeper
and water was easily found.
The salty streams
flow downward nocturnally
seeking out the lower grounds
needing a balm that heals.
So raw the places in these depths
like caverns undiscovered
full of sharp-edges and bright colors
waiting for some light to reveal
their incomparable beauty
that just the sound of the oncoming flood
brings unprecedented uncertainty
with tenderness shrinking
yet in bravery pulsing
at the thought of what change
might mean.
--Kristin Jo Sherk, 07.10.2007
Calling
I’m sad without you, baby.
Your petname is still up for debate.
How would you like to be called?
I’ll take it into consideration.
Honey, what’s Friday look like for you?
I’ll take Friday and Saturday and Sunday, too.
Can you drive a little faster, dear?
It’s lonely without you.
You missed another birthday, bear.
And Christmas wasn’t the same without you.
My daddy’s sick, honey.
Please come quickly, we haven’t got long.
--Kristin Jo Sherk, 07.10.2007
So lastly, a moment of appreciation for some concerted effort and wisdom from age. Simply that...painted toenails are very lovely. Seeing my own toenails growing and painted brings me simple joy that I didn't know I was being robbed of for so long...I had no clue! Happy to report I love having long(er) toe and fingernails. Totally nonsensical...but life's simplicities, created by God, are there for the taking. And I'm taking.
Have a wonderful day! May you know Him more and in knowing Him may you know your purpose.
Monday, July 09, 2007
A Little's Enough
Angels and Airwaves. Has anyone thought about their bandname? Anyone thought about the significance of both angels and airwaves? The significance of them together?
I now digress. I've been thinking a lot about Kingdom. The King's Domain. I've been thinking about the hope of the future. The eternal perspective of where I am right now, living in the modern-day Babylon, at a church being activated in the gifts. I've been thinking about my dad and the fact that there is no dilemma really. It's damn tough to see him going through this. And my physical eyes rarely get to behold him. But, even hearing his voice somedays is enough to bring tears to my eyes. There it goes...just the memory of it, though we spoke just hours ago, brings fresh water. Water to heal. The pain is real. It's real in this present time. The sorrow of the thought that I will live part of my life without him. It's real. It cuts deep. He is one of my great heroes, unsung for sure. But, by the day, his saintdom grows. With every flower he plants, every smile he shares, every time he laughs, he brings life, shares the hope of what's to come, he bypasses the temporal in exchange for the eternal. He is a hero and I wish he could be out and about to let more people see his bravery in the face of this beast.
There is no cancer in heaven. I long. I lonnnnnnnnnnnnng for him to be healed. Just one touch, Jesus. Just one. Just the faith of a mustard seed, tomorrow could be the day. Or, this may be the thing that takes him to be with his Lord. This may be it. I want more years. I want more time. Oh God, we want more time together! There simply is no cancer in heaven, so it can be that way here. I believe this with all my heart. Faith is the evidence of things unseen...faith is the stuff that proves that something else exists. I believe therefore it is possible. That's what the word says.
Angels and airwaves. They are both invisible too. But most people would admit they are there. It doesn't take much faith to believe that. In fact, who on this earth honestly believes that this world is it? Really? Really, do you? No, I doubt you do. If you believe in airwaves, you can believe in God. If you believe in airwaves you can believe that a man's time is not up yet and his healing will come through the prayers of the saints. It takes no more faith than listening to a song...and believing airwaves are real.
Please pray for my dad.
I now digress. I've been thinking a lot about Kingdom. The King's Domain. I've been thinking about the hope of the future. The eternal perspective of where I am right now, living in the modern-day Babylon, at a church being activated in the gifts. I've been thinking about my dad and the fact that there is no dilemma really. It's damn tough to see him going through this. And my physical eyes rarely get to behold him. But, even hearing his voice somedays is enough to bring tears to my eyes. There it goes...just the memory of it, though we spoke just hours ago, brings fresh water. Water to heal. The pain is real. It's real in this present time. The sorrow of the thought that I will live part of my life without him. It's real. It cuts deep. He is one of my great heroes, unsung for sure. But, by the day, his saintdom grows. With every flower he plants, every smile he shares, every time he laughs, he brings life, shares the hope of what's to come, he bypasses the temporal in exchange for the eternal. He is a hero and I wish he could be out and about to let more people see his bravery in the face of this beast.
There is no cancer in heaven. I long. I lonnnnnnnnnnnnng for him to be healed. Just one touch, Jesus. Just one. Just the faith of a mustard seed, tomorrow could be the day. Or, this may be the thing that takes him to be with his Lord. This may be it. I want more years. I want more time. Oh God, we want more time together! There simply is no cancer in heaven, so it can be that way here. I believe this with all my heart. Faith is the evidence of things unseen...faith is the stuff that proves that something else exists. I believe therefore it is possible. That's what the word says.
Angels and airwaves. They are both invisible too. But most people would admit they are there. It doesn't take much faith to believe that. In fact, who on this earth honestly believes that this world is it? Really? Really, do you? No, I doubt you do. If you believe in airwaves, you can believe in God. If you believe in airwaves you can believe that a man's time is not up yet and his healing will come through the prayers of the saints. It takes no more faith than listening to a song...and believing airwaves are real.
Please pray for my dad.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wrinkles
3 months without a post on here. Of course, my journal and other blogs hold those things. But as far as Dad's cancer updates go...they've been few and I haven't felt like writing about them.
I suppose there is a fine line between avoidance and giving something to God completely. They look the same. How can the people who really care about me know that I am not avoiding this subject? I've thought about this a lot. And what it comes down to is the fruit of the Spirit and consistency over time. It's okay to be down about it...but the truth of the matter is those times are so few and far in between now. Most days, when I think about my Dad I am filled with hope, peace, love and joy. That's how I know God delivered me from the obsessing, overwhelming need to talk about it all the time or to ask people for prayer all the time. Nope, God delivered me. I am not avoiding the cancer or death...I've just given it over to the only person who can do anything about it. Jesus.
I suppose there is a fine line between avoidance and giving something to God completely. They look the same. How can the people who really care about me know that I am not avoiding this subject? I've thought about this a lot. And what it comes down to is the fruit of the Spirit and consistency over time. It's okay to be down about it...but the truth of the matter is those times are so few and far in between now. Most days, when I think about my Dad I am filled with hope, peace, love and joy. That's how I know God delivered me from the obsessing, overwhelming need to talk about it all the time or to ask people for prayer all the time. Nope, God delivered me. I am not avoiding the cancer or death...I've just given it over to the only person who can do anything about it. Jesus.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Pea Soup
What a crazy day! Something was up spiritually today. Actually, something's been up for the last 6 months...but beyond that. I'm realising that this gift of intercession I've got wipes me out at times. Seriously...today I just felt burdened and heavy. And what did I do about it? Not much...should have done more. But today just feels thick. Like pea soup fog around my whole body.
But inside me, warrior me is crying out, "Fight!" I don't know. I've got this sense that the other side is right over there past the split peas and but it's so heavy (or at least apppears to be) that most times I can't raise my sword. So this battle is taking a lot longer than it should.
Could it really be all that simple? That one day this season will be past. The ice will have melted (unless of course it's a berg, then we're all in for a flood) and spring will have sprung. Is it that simple? Will the car work? Will I have a new one? Will my dad be healed? Will I have a job that fits and challenges and brings me joy? Will all the other stuff fall into line like he's promised, just like that? Seems to so easily when God's involved. But up until that moment, it's just crazy in the fog.
I like pea soup...but living in it for 6 months kind of makes you nauseous.
Talked with my pastor last night. He was just speaking about what hit the staff from this conference they are at...it hit me too. We're on the verge of something huge. That's why we are all going through so much right now. Just stay the course, though it be long. God is testing us to see if he can really count on us.
So I guess...despite the fact that I feel like I am waiting for a miracle in everything about my life...God's testing me in this time. You know? There isn't much he is requiring me to do. I have very little responsibility right now. But that's exactly it, isn't it? Will I be faithful with the little he has given? All these hours every day that I pass...how am I choosing to pass them? For myself? For others? For the Kingdom?
I realise this has nothing to do with my dad. As you can maybe tell I have been struggling with having any emotion about that particular part of my life at all. I cried a bit today, I think it was...just thinking about maybe having to leave next month if the chemo isn't working. I pray it's not going to go down like that. I don't want to sit and watch him die. I don't want to have to leave LA...I want him and mom to come visit and see my life here.
I'm so random right now. Sorry this isn't making as much sense as I normally might. It's the peas...they're freaking taking over!
But inside me, warrior me is crying out, "Fight!" I don't know. I've got this sense that the other side is right over there past the split peas and but it's so heavy (or at least apppears to be) that most times I can't raise my sword. So this battle is taking a lot longer than it should.
Could it really be all that simple? That one day this season will be past. The ice will have melted (unless of course it's a berg, then we're all in for a flood) and spring will have sprung. Is it that simple? Will the car work? Will I have a new one? Will my dad be healed? Will I have a job that fits and challenges and brings me joy? Will all the other stuff fall into line like he's promised, just like that? Seems to so easily when God's involved. But up until that moment, it's just crazy in the fog.
I like pea soup...but living in it for 6 months kind of makes you nauseous.
Talked with my pastor last night. He was just speaking about what hit the staff from this conference they are at...it hit me too. We're on the verge of something huge. That's why we are all going through so much right now. Just stay the course, though it be long. God is testing us to see if he can really count on us.
So I guess...despite the fact that I feel like I am waiting for a miracle in everything about my life...God's testing me in this time. You know? There isn't much he is requiring me to do. I have very little responsibility right now. But that's exactly it, isn't it? Will I be faithful with the little he has given? All these hours every day that I pass...how am I choosing to pass them? For myself? For others? For the Kingdom?
I realise this has nothing to do with my dad. As you can maybe tell I have been struggling with having any emotion about that particular part of my life at all. I cried a bit today, I think it was...just thinking about maybe having to leave next month if the chemo isn't working. I pray it's not going to go down like that. I don't want to sit and watch him die. I don't want to have to leave LA...I want him and mom to come visit and see my life here.
I'm so random right now. Sorry this isn't making as much sense as I normally might. It's the peas...they're freaking taking over!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Shenanigans
Talked to Dad today. He was so chipper when he answered the phone. But, I can tell he's really doped up on something. A little loopy lad was he.
I'm still wondering if I should go home for his birthday in March. He's wanting to start traveling in May. I guess we'll have test results by his birthday...there just may not be any free travel rewards seats left to Iowa by that time. Yes, that's right! I've got another free round trip ticket in my possession...or at least, in the account. It's not actually in my hands yet.
My friend Bobbi got him a prayer cloth which was prayed over by her sister's pastors. I guess the church took time to pray for him too. Where is this church? I don't know. But that's SUPER cool and really blessed my dad's heart.
He's a bit worried about the chemo not being over in a few weeks and having to go through round 2 or series 2, I guess I should say. He's had conversations with other people and they've told him he'll get sicker...etc. Just put a bunch of worrisome thoughts in his head. If they've got to do another series, then they do. God's still in control and using this to refine him like gold. Praise God for his infinite wisdom.
In my own life, today I've planned a big shenanigan. So I'll time this post to be posted after it's possible that Jesse could read it. But I've been pretty stressed out today because of all the planning and honestly, worrying. Who wants to worry over a birthday party? Maybe if I didn't make it so hard I wouldn't be worrying. But, always take the harder path...bites back sometimes. So Jesse...hope you liked the party. And since I am writing this before I know what you're planning in retaliation...I hope you got on the bus! Nice interrogation yesterday...by the way...you should join the FBI or at least play one on TV.
Well...that's all for now. I've got gads to read and gads to do! =) Life's good.
I'm still wondering if I should go home for his birthday in March. He's wanting to start traveling in May. I guess we'll have test results by his birthday...there just may not be any free travel rewards seats left to Iowa by that time. Yes, that's right! I've got another free round trip ticket in my possession...or at least, in the account. It's not actually in my hands yet.
My friend Bobbi got him a prayer cloth which was prayed over by her sister's pastors. I guess the church took time to pray for him too. Where is this church? I don't know. But that's SUPER cool and really blessed my dad's heart.
He's a bit worried about the chemo not being over in a few weeks and having to go through round 2 or series 2, I guess I should say. He's had conversations with other people and they've told him he'll get sicker...etc. Just put a bunch of worrisome thoughts in his head. If they've got to do another series, then they do. God's still in control and using this to refine him like gold. Praise God for his infinite wisdom.
In my own life, today I've planned a big shenanigan. So I'll time this post to be posted after it's possible that Jesse could read it. But I've been pretty stressed out today because of all the planning and honestly, worrying. Who wants to worry over a birthday party? Maybe if I didn't make it so hard I wouldn't be worrying. But, always take the harder path...bites back sometimes. So Jesse...hope you liked the party. And since I am writing this before I know what you're planning in retaliation...I hope you got on the bus! Nice interrogation yesterday...by the way...you should join the FBI or at least play one on TV.
Well...that's all for now. I've got gads to read and gads to do! =) Life's good.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Do you know beautiful?
Sometimes the sunsets are too much for me to take. I get lost in sentimentality and all the troubles melt away. Nature does that. Not just sunsets, but green meadows and forests and the smell of pine. They're God's little reminders that he knows what we like and wants to give it to us.
Simple thoughts today. For a simple day.
I was going to leave it at that. But I reread my writing. And the statement "nature does that." Makes me think about that word in its many forms. Nature. What's natural. What's created. All I know is "it comes from you." And that includes everything pure and lovely and true...
i'm so sappy! who wants to watch an action film tonight? hahaha. kidding. i'd go for a chick flick, obviously.
Simple thoughts today. For a simple day.
I was going to leave it at that. But I reread my writing. And the statement "nature does that." Makes me think about that word in its many forms. Nature. What's natural. What's created. All I know is "it comes from you." And that includes everything pure and lovely and true...
i'm so sappy! who wants to watch an action film tonight? hahaha. kidding. i'd go for a chick flick, obviously.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Faith
It's a writing kind of day. Deary outside...took a 90 minute walk. But I've got so many, many thoughts inside my head that have to find an outlet. So...now we move onto faith. Faith, hope and love right? I suppose later I'll get inspiration on the second later today? Bzzzzz. Forgive me, as I know I'm preaching to the choir...but I'm kind of in teacher mode as well, right now.
Okay...so sometimes the Word of God just comes alive to you. Have you had this experience? Sometimes you'll just be walking along. My experience is you have to try to meditate on the Word cause certainly our world is not living it. So you've got to will it into your life, invite it in. So once you decide..."I'm going to think about God's principles"...I've found that at times, something will just strike you and it's like a secret is revealed to you. Miraculously, you've got clarity on the thing you've been struggling with or you're instantly at peace because you found the key! You know how to get yourself out of the prison or the chains and locks that have kept you confused or bound or just made you plain exhausted from fighting against them. But you've been fighting so much because you instinctively know this is not how it is supposed to be. You've sensed that deep inside something is missing and you've been longing and searching for that truth that will unlock the gate from which peace flows.
So simply...the Bible holds ALL those truths. Life as a follower of Christ is a continual truth excavation. You get restless, don't know what you're longing for...but one day God opens the skies of mercy and shows you what that verse means. You've read it 90 times or maybe you've even meditated on it and mantra-ed it every day. But there comes a day when you get it and that makes all the difference to your journey.
About 30 minutes ago. I laid my head down on my desk (my awesome God-gift desk) and was just like, "Why don't I get this?" And I remembered this verse:
Okay...so sometimes the Word of God just comes alive to you. Have you had this experience? Sometimes you'll just be walking along. My experience is you have to try to meditate on the Word cause certainly our world is not living it. So you've got to will it into your life, invite it in. So once you decide..."I'm going to think about God's principles"...I've found that at times, something will just strike you and it's like a secret is revealed to you. Miraculously, you've got clarity on the thing you've been struggling with or you're instantly at peace because you found the key! You know how to get yourself out of the prison or the chains and locks that have kept you confused or bound or just made you plain exhausted from fighting against them. But you've been fighting so much because you instinctively know this is not how it is supposed to be. You've sensed that deep inside something is missing and you've been longing and searching for that truth that will unlock the gate from which peace flows.
So simply...the Bible holds ALL those truths. Life as a follower of Christ is a continual truth excavation. You get restless, don't know what you're longing for...but one day God opens the skies of mercy and shows you what that verse means. You've read it 90 times or maybe you've even meditated on it and mantra-ed it every day. But there comes a day when you get it and that makes all the difference to your journey.
About 30 minutes ago. I laid my head down on my desk (my awesome God-gift desk) and was just like, "Why don't I get this?" And I remembered this verse:
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
That's a particular translation and is, in fact, not the translation I own. I knew it was Hebrews 11 that God was speaking to me from...but my Bible doesn't say it like this. So I had to look online. And it was exactly written as I had heard it in my head. (No, I am not hearing voices.) Okay...there it is. What struck me funny is...the word evidence. Do you know how many sermons I have sat through in my life about this verse? And it never once clicked with me until just now.
Things not seen. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I've been teaching on it some too. About how there are spiritual realities that exist and that are waiting to manifest in the physical realm. Prayer is what makes those things manifest. But...how are we to know what God wants to happen in this physical world when we can't see the spiritual? I have felt so lost on this subject. How do I know what to pray for? How do I know I am not praying outside of God's will? How do I know that I am not wasting my time in my thought life?
Evidence. There IS evidence of spiritual realities, which we cannot see. That evidence is faith. If faith exists (and lasts) then it is evidence. The Bible says so. And I take God at his word. This is a great revelation.
So I ask myself: Do I honestly have faith about the things I've been praying about? If not, why am I praying that way? Is it my will or God's will that is trying to set things in motion? If it's God's will, then it already exists in the spiritual realm. As in God has already thought of it, is in favor of it and desires to see it happen here in our physical realm.
Okay perfect example: My dad. I've got this overwhelming peace that he is going to be okay. In fact, there have been days and continue to be days where I will think they won't even need to take his bladder. These passing thoughts have so given me peace that I believe them to be true and working themselves out right now. My anxiety about his health has passed. My worries are gone. I have faith he is going to be fine. The Bible says that is evidence of things not seen. And that, my friends, is AMAZING!
Now...to walk this out in everything. To ask myself, do I have honest faith? If so, pray into it until the peace comes. And then wait for God to make physical what he created. What a beautiful Savior! What a wonderful God!
More
I think I'm still on the subject of love. It makes us do crazy things, don't you think? But what I'm noticing is that the number one thing love seems to do is sacrifice. That's how you know it's love. If there isn't sacrifice, there isn't love. And I think if we look at our example, this ultimately proves to be true about his life as well.
He sacrificed more than any created thing could possibly ever sacrifice for love. He did it daily. It wasn't just the death on the cross that was sacrifice. It was his daily death that proved his love. His sacrifice reached its peak on the cross and that might be the most memorable part...but it's not the only part.
Christ left perfect comfort and peace and harmony. He left the very presence of God. He came to a place that was dirty and put himself in the mix. He felt the absence, the desperation, the way we have to cry out for God the Father in order to accomplish things. He decided to feel what we feel. Can you even imagine? I know pain...but I know it because I know peace. I continue to contend that we know nothing but by contrast. Can you imagine the contrast Christ felt in coming to this earth? He knew a different reality. I imagine he was a man of many tears. In prayer, I've had my gut wrenched with pain over grief and thought my very chest was going to collapse, but I imagine daily he knew a reality of sacrifice that we cannot even begin to imagine.
Isn't it interesting what happens to us when we know someone is sacrificing for us? We know that means they love us. It's almost always like, "You didn't have to do that. You shouldn't have gone out of your way for me." Why do we say things like that? If they didn't we'd contend that they never do anything for us...no, love is known for it's sacrifice. We almost expect it though we shy away from it.
I have no clue why these thoughts are on my mind today. Maybe it was something my dad said last night...maybe it was my dreams...maybe it was the love of my roommate. It's definitely got something to do with "Start the Machine." (wow.) I don't know...just thoughts from a random me.
He sacrificed more than any created thing could possibly ever sacrifice for love. He did it daily. It wasn't just the death on the cross that was sacrifice. It was his daily death that proved his love. His sacrifice reached its peak on the cross and that might be the most memorable part...but it's not the only part.
Christ left perfect comfort and peace and harmony. He left the very presence of God. He came to a place that was dirty and put himself in the mix. He felt the absence, the desperation, the way we have to cry out for God the Father in order to accomplish things. He decided to feel what we feel. Can you even imagine? I know pain...but I know it because I know peace. I continue to contend that we know nothing but by contrast. Can you imagine the contrast Christ felt in coming to this earth? He knew a different reality. I imagine he was a man of many tears. In prayer, I've had my gut wrenched with pain over grief and thought my very chest was going to collapse, but I imagine daily he knew a reality of sacrifice that we cannot even begin to imagine.
Isn't it interesting what happens to us when we know someone is sacrificing for us? We know that means they love us. It's almost always like, "You didn't have to do that. You shouldn't have gone out of your way for me." Why do we say things like that? If they didn't we'd contend that they never do anything for us...no, love is known for it's sacrifice. We almost expect it though we shy away from it.
I have no clue why these thoughts are on my mind today. Maybe it was something my dad said last night...maybe it was my dreams...maybe it was the love of my roommate. It's definitely got something to do with "Start the Machine." (wow.) I don't know...just thoughts from a random me.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Bit O' Love
I think that my mom is the unsung hero(ine) of my dad's whole story.
It's my mom who changes the bag that drains his left kidney.
It is she who also cleans the tube that comes out his back and attaches to that bag.
She does this nightly.
It is Paula who takes care of the problem with his feet. Puts the lotion on him and wraps the foot with plastic.
It is she who monitors all his many pills. For without her, he would overdose because of the pain.
It's my mom who is washing the linens and towels every day so that he has no risk of infection.
It is she who kicks their last cat off the bed at night.
And listens to her cry.
It is Paula who drives him 3 hours to chemo and 3 hours back back every week.
It is she who must give all the updates and be responsible for all the information.
What a woman! I've never been so proud of her in all my life. I didn't know she had it in her. But her love pouring out into and on my dad is a sweet offering. My friend, Jenny, told me tonight she saw my mom breaking an alabaster jar over Christ when she is helping my dad. How precious. And praise be to the Lord, Gayle tonight heard God say that HE is going to heal my father and work a miracle! I accept that! I believe! I can't wait to see how big it is!
Okay to the love part. Oh, did you think that I already addressed that? No...what I'm about to tell you is something I might just cherish for the rest of my life. Long after my parents pass away (in God's appointed time), I will remember something my mom said last night. She said she couldn't talk long because dad was in the shower and she doesn't get much of a break lately. But she had a few minutes to talk. When he gets out he needs assistance right away. So we talked a few. And then she said, "Oh, I hear him getting out of the shower. I better go get my little man."
That may not sound odd to you, but to me...those were words of grace and healing to my soul. I have never heard my mom use a term of endearment or affection towards my father. That would be the first! 29 years...PRAISE GOD for the changes happening in them both! I love how through this they are becoming one and softening to each other. I know there is so much I do not see because I am not there...but I know God is with them and even though it is painfully tough...they are being changed through God's grace and love.
It's my mom who changes the bag that drains his left kidney.
It is she who also cleans the tube that comes out his back and attaches to that bag.
She does this nightly.
It is Paula who takes care of the problem with his feet. Puts the lotion on him and wraps the foot with plastic.
It is she who monitors all his many pills. For without her, he would overdose because of the pain.
It's my mom who is washing the linens and towels every day so that he has no risk of infection.
It is she who kicks their last cat off the bed at night.
And listens to her cry.
It is Paula who drives him 3 hours to chemo and 3 hours back back every week.
It is she who must give all the updates and be responsible for all the information.
What a woman! I've never been so proud of her in all my life. I didn't know she had it in her. But her love pouring out into and on my dad is a sweet offering. My friend, Jenny, told me tonight she saw my mom breaking an alabaster jar over Christ when she is helping my dad. How precious. And praise be to the Lord, Gayle tonight heard God say that HE is going to heal my father and work a miracle! I accept that! I believe! I can't wait to see how big it is!
Okay to the love part. Oh, did you think that I already addressed that? No...what I'm about to tell you is something I might just cherish for the rest of my life. Long after my parents pass away (in God's appointed time), I will remember something my mom said last night. She said she couldn't talk long because dad was in the shower and she doesn't get much of a break lately. But she had a few minutes to talk. When he gets out he needs assistance right away. So we talked a few. And then she said, "Oh, I hear him getting out of the shower. I better go get my little man."
That may not sound odd to you, but to me...those were words of grace and healing to my soul. I have never heard my mom use a term of endearment or affection towards my father. That would be the first! 29 years...PRAISE GOD for the changes happening in them both! I love how through this they are becoming one and softening to each other. I know there is so much I do not see because I am not there...but I know God is with them and even though it is painfully tough...they are being changed through God's grace and love.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Happy, Shiny
It's only my misperception that sometimes God rocks. There is no sometimes with God. That's my pure opinion, of course. But I think the word points to God's consistency. It's only our human perception that God is sometimes this or that.
Anyways...I'm super happy today cause I feel like the tides are changing. Which way is supposed to be the negative energy of a tide anyways? I suppose I should not use analogies I do not fully understand. In any case, I am starting to feel like the events of my life are turning out positive again. Which is also another misstatement...because in that I have apparently believed a lie. Nothing turns out for bad for those who love Christ Jesus. So...my misconception stands corrected by reason. I love it when I'm tired like this. Seems I think more clearly.
Okay...so I just want to count my blessings today. Cause there are many. There always are...sometimes we just seem them more clearly.
1. Spiritual warfare over my life and especially car continue to be strong. My car died in traffic this morning within two minutes of me putting on the Christian radio station. Then it proceeded to do its reving thing which scares the cripees out of me, usually. I laid hands on my vehicle and prayed. Warfare means God is active. What a blessing.
2. My lovely family and the circumstances which have brought us closer. It almost saddens me that I missed them all these years. But elates me that I finally see.
3. My kooky roommate...who hangs PARTY things on my door for when I get home at 12:30am. What the heck, Marce. What the heck!
4. Jesse! You're back. That's a huge blessing...cause who else can I talk about all the crazy stuff we talk about with? And even though I'm rusty, I still work...and it's nice to be using my mind and energy to its potential. hmm...blessing or curse? Also, it's hard to be down around jj. jj--hahaha!
5. DeBeBe's owner. You are such an amazing friend. What blessing bomb dropped on me last year? You are grace flowing over.
6. Stacey....hold on. I'm saving you for number 7. Number 6 is then...Maguy, my psycho dog...who is now potentially a serial killer who then dies from the pack of Tavis's black bitches. But seriously, who else takes hour long walks with me every day? I bet she'll even hike near the ocean with me, if I took her!
7. Stacey! Mom of 2. I love you cause you're you. (Poet, know it.)
8. Shout out to Metro staff. Thanks for welcoming me! You're awesome and you're fulfilling the prophecies that God's given so that's a supa praise!
9. Metro Church. Seriously, God's spirit doesn't show up to a bunch of hard-hearted, prideful pinheads. Corporately, we are surrendered and it's beautiful to be a part.
10. I'd like to thank the Creator for California. and for sushi. and for sunsets. and for color. also, i'd like to thank Him for the iPod and my nose. (no one said this was a normal list.)
11. Oh wait...Also, thank you Creator for musical giftings in friends. Like Tav and Kenny and Tony. And people being able to smile.
12. lastly, thank you God for being timeless and boundless and all the lesses and all the mores we can never fully understand in this life.
Anyways...I'm super happy today cause I feel like the tides are changing. Which way is supposed to be the negative energy of a tide anyways? I suppose I should not use analogies I do not fully understand. In any case, I am starting to feel like the events of my life are turning out positive again. Which is also another misstatement...because in that I have apparently believed a lie. Nothing turns out for bad for those who love Christ Jesus. So...my misconception stands corrected by reason. I love it when I'm tired like this. Seems I think more clearly.
Okay...so I just want to count my blessings today. Cause there are many. There always are...sometimes we just seem them more clearly.
1. Spiritual warfare over my life and especially car continue to be strong. My car died in traffic this morning within two minutes of me putting on the Christian radio station. Then it proceeded to do its reving thing which scares the cripees out of me, usually. I laid hands on my vehicle and prayed. Warfare means God is active. What a blessing.
2. My lovely family and the circumstances which have brought us closer. It almost saddens me that I missed them all these years. But elates me that I finally see.
3. My kooky roommate...who hangs PARTY things on my door for when I get home at 12:30am. What the heck, Marce. What the heck!
4. Jesse! You're back. That's a huge blessing...cause who else can I talk about all the crazy stuff we talk about with? And even though I'm rusty, I still work...and it's nice to be using my mind and energy to its potential. hmm...blessing or curse? Also, it's hard to be down around jj. jj--hahaha!
5. DeBeBe's owner. You are such an amazing friend. What blessing bomb dropped on me last year? You are grace flowing over.
6. Stacey....hold on. I'm saving you for number 7. Number 6 is then...Maguy, my psycho dog...who is now potentially a serial killer who then dies from the pack of Tavis's black bitches. But seriously, who else takes hour long walks with me every day? I bet she'll even hike near the ocean with me, if I took her!
7. Stacey! Mom of 2. I love you cause you're you. (Poet, know it.)
8. Shout out to Metro staff. Thanks for welcoming me! You're awesome and you're fulfilling the prophecies that God's given so that's a supa praise!
9. Metro Church. Seriously, God's spirit doesn't show up to a bunch of hard-hearted, prideful pinheads. Corporately, we are surrendered and it's beautiful to be a part.
10. I'd like to thank the Creator for California. and for sushi. and for sunsets. and for color. also, i'd like to thank Him for the iPod and my nose. (no one said this was a normal list.)
11. Oh wait...Also, thank you Creator for musical giftings in friends. Like Tav and Kenny and Tony. And people being able to smile.
12. lastly, thank you God for being timeless and boundless and all the lesses and all the mores we can never fully understand in this life.
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Tragedy of Space & Thought
I woke up today and my thoughts saddened me. I realised that since my move to Los Angeles, I have become very distant from one of my closest friends in Iowa. She recently got engaged and I have never met her fiance. That saddens me. I was reading Chambers yesterday and the passage of the day talked about the sacrifice others must give for our ministry. That we must know and accept that it will cost others something in order for us to do what God has called us to do. I hadn't thought of it like that before. I've only thought it was costing me. But that's a pretty grevious oversight given how connected and dependent the human race is as a species. Heck, more grevious in the context of ecosystems and checks and balances. So...I'm sure that even though my moment with Oswald yesterday was brief, the thoughts were there working themselves out, under the surface. So by the time I woke today, the first thoughts in my mind were of a friend I used to call best and the sadness that comes with not being able to say that anymore.
I've had this thought in the last couple months as well in a different sort. Because I have known since July that my Job phase had begun, I knew things had the potential for getting pretty bad. And in fact, getting bad for the people around me. Because Job did not suffer for his own personal injuries. He suffered first because those he loved most suffered. It cost his family and servants their lives in order for Job to go where God was taking them. I don't want to get into a theological debate about this. But, God did allow those people to be taken from this earth in a manner that was tragic and in a time that seemed too early to Job. Did Job grieve because of his loss or was his deepest pain the loss those closest to him went through? Probably both. But it there, both components. The interconnectivity of life.
And so it is with my dad. He suffers, we suffer. God is allowing me to be tested and tried. My question has been: how far will this go? And my plea has been: please don't touch my family. Please don't get me wrong. I don't have illusions of grandeur. I simply looked at the Biblical example a while ago and saw where it could be headed. And we are there now. Is my dad's cancer because God is working something out in me? I'm sure it is. Will he also use it for an infinite number of other purposes? Sure, he will. He already is. But there in my mind is the question of "first mover." Who caused this? Can we trace this back? And if we can, does it land on me? I am sure I will not have the answers to these questions in my lifetime. And if I do, I am sure they will be human rationalisation, which will be nothing less than incomplete.
I've had this thought in the last couple months as well in a different sort. Because I have known since July that my Job phase had begun, I knew things had the potential for getting pretty bad. And in fact, getting bad for the people around me. Because Job did not suffer for his own personal injuries. He suffered first because those he loved most suffered. It cost his family and servants their lives in order for Job to go where God was taking them. I don't want to get into a theological debate about this. But, God did allow those people to be taken from this earth in a manner that was tragic and in a time that seemed too early to Job. Did Job grieve because of his loss or was his deepest pain the loss those closest to him went through? Probably both. But it there, both components. The interconnectivity of life.
And so it is with my dad. He suffers, we suffer. God is allowing me to be tested and tried. My question has been: how far will this go? And my plea has been: please don't touch my family. Please don't get me wrong. I don't have illusions of grandeur. I simply looked at the Biblical example a while ago and saw where it could be headed. And we are there now. Is my dad's cancer because God is working something out in me? I'm sure it is. Will he also use it for an infinite number of other purposes? Sure, he will. He already is. But there in my mind is the question of "first mover." Who caused this? Can we trace this back? And if we can, does it land on me? I am sure I will not have the answers to these questions in my lifetime. And if I do, I am sure they will be human rationalisation, which will be nothing less than incomplete.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Absentee Blogger
So it's been a while. I imagine I will need to email the two of you who are faithful to read this...and tell you I wrote again. It's been almost a month since I've wrote.
Once I got home though, as you can see by my absenteeism, things changed for me. I wasn't as stressed, just coping. Then I got through that and the announcement of Stage 4...and then the change back to LA occurred. Which entailed a persistent and haunting pain in my chest for over a week. I couldn't cry but I ached. I hurt. It was such a horrible feeling to be walking around like that, never resting. Just hurting. Aching in some 4th dimensional way.
So I got prayer last Sunday from faithful Gayle. And her prophecy came true and I've been released from that horrible, persistent collapsing feeling. But I have to keep laying it down. Laying my fears down. They amount to nothing. That's what the Lord told me through Gayle. My fears...all of them...equal a big ZERO.
That's nice. No really. It is. I have an entire sheet of unlined paper, front and back, full of fears I wrote out. No wonder I was collapsing. Imprisoned to my own mind, which is frankly obviously operating above the 10% line because it's capable of my own physical torture. I'd say I am genetically advanced. Okay...getting back to the point. Fear of getting kicked out of my house because of Maguy. Zero. Fear of saying something wrong. Zero. Being fat. Zero. I could go on, but you'd be here all night. And by then end, you'd know me more than I want you to. Somethings are just me and God. And since this is still a public blog...there are somethings you already know. So I don't have to tell you what I am afraid of. Especially if your name is Stacey. You know the most important ones, don't you? So...you get the point, right? I've had a really freeing experience this week and it's been amazing!
And the second part of her prophecy also came true as I am now working for the missions branch of my church! This also is fulfilling a prophecy from months ago Gayle had for me. So...things are finally moving. Things are FINALLY in motion. RESTORATION! I can feel it coming. I know it's not far off now. Maybe a few more dooseys and this Job stuff will be over.
I just can't get over it, though. All my fears amount to nothing. They are a zero in God's eyes. WOW. Double WOW. Nothing. Dad dying. There needs to be no fear. Ministry not happening. No fear. What a great revelation. I'm fairly sure I've been at this place before, but it's never felt this good. No, I've never stood in this spot before with the turmoil around me and decided to step out of it and into peace. I've never been up against this much at once. So...really I never have been here before.
It's like a little Welcome Home, Kristin party. Welcome Home. Welcome to where Jesus's Spirit lives. Evidence #1: Peace. Now, where's the love? (wink, wink....we all know where...now don't we? weather forecast sunny tomorrow.)
Night!
Once I got home though, as you can see by my absenteeism, things changed for me. I wasn't as stressed, just coping. Then I got through that and the announcement of Stage 4...and then the change back to LA occurred. Which entailed a persistent and haunting pain in my chest for over a week. I couldn't cry but I ached. I hurt. It was such a horrible feeling to be walking around like that, never resting. Just hurting. Aching in some 4th dimensional way.
So I got prayer last Sunday from faithful Gayle. And her prophecy came true and I've been released from that horrible, persistent collapsing feeling. But I have to keep laying it down. Laying my fears down. They amount to nothing. That's what the Lord told me through Gayle. My fears...all of them...equal a big ZERO.
That's nice. No really. It is. I have an entire sheet of unlined paper, front and back, full of fears I wrote out. No wonder I was collapsing. Imprisoned to my own mind, which is frankly obviously operating above the 10% line because it's capable of my own physical torture. I'd say I am genetically advanced. Okay...getting back to the point. Fear of getting kicked out of my house because of Maguy. Zero. Fear of saying something wrong. Zero. Being fat. Zero. I could go on, but you'd be here all night. And by then end, you'd know me more than I want you to. Somethings are just me and God. And since this is still a public blog...there are somethings you already know. So I don't have to tell you what I am afraid of. Especially if your name is Stacey. You know the most important ones, don't you? So...you get the point, right? I've had a really freeing experience this week and it's been amazing!
And the second part of her prophecy also came true as I am now working for the missions branch of my church! This also is fulfilling a prophecy from months ago Gayle had for me. So...things are finally moving. Things are FINALLY in motion. RESTORATION! I can feel it coming. I know it's not far off now. Maybe a few more dooseys and this Job stuff will be over.
I just can't get over it, though. All my fears amount to nothing. They are a zero in God's eyes. WOW. Double WOW. Nothing. Dad dying. There needs to be no fear. Ministry not happening. No fear. What a great revelation. I'm fairly sure I've been at this place before, but it's never felt this good. No, I've never stood in this spot before with the turmoil around me and decided to step out of it and into peace. I've never been up against this much at once. So...really I never have been here before.
It's like a little Welcome Home, Kristin party. Welcome Home. Welcome to where Jesus's Spirit lives. Evidence #1: Peace. Now, where's the love? (wink, wink....we all know where...now don't we? weather forecast sunny tomorrow.)
Night!
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