Pea Soup

What a crazy day! Something was up spiritually today. Actually, something's been up for the last 6 months...but beyond that. I'm realising that this gift of intercession I've got wipes me out at times. Seriously...today I just felt burdened and heavy. And what did I do about it? Not much...should have done more. But today just feels thick. Like pea soup fog around my whole body.

But inside me, warrior me is crying out, "Fight!" I don't know. I've got this sense that the other side is right over there past the split peas and but it's so heavy (or at least apppears to be) that most times I can't raise my sword. So this battle is taking a lot longer than it should.

Could it really be all that simple? That one day this season will be past. The ice will have melted (unless of course it's a berg, then we're all in for a flood) and spring will have sprung. Is it that simple? Will the car work? Will I have a new one? Will my dad be healed? Will I have a job that fits and challenges and brings me joy? Will all the other stuff fall into line like he's promised, just like that? Seems to so easily when God's involved. But up until that moment, it's just crazy in the fog.

I like pea soup...but living in it for 6 months kind of makes you nauseous.

Talked with my pastor last night. He was just speaking about what hit the staff from this conference they are at...it hit me too. We're on the verge of something huge. That's why we are all going through so much right now. Just stay the course, though it be long. God is testing us to see if he can really count on us.

So I guess...despite the fact that I feel like I am waiting for a miracle in everything about my life...God's testing me in this time. You know? There isn't much he is requiring me to do. I have very little responsibility right now. But that's exactly it, isn't it? Will I be faithful with the little he has given? All these hours every day that I pass...how am I choosing to pass them? For myself? For others? For the Kingdom?

I realise this has nothing to do with my dad. As you can maybe tell I have been struggling with having any emotion about that particular part of my life at all. I cried a bit today, I think it was...just thinking about maybe having to leave next month if the chemo isn't working. I pray it's not going to go down like that. I don't want to sit and watch him die. I don't want to have to leave LA...I want him and mom to come visit and see my life here.

I'm so random right now. Sorry this isn't making as much sense as I normally might. It's the peas...they're freaking taking over!

Shenanigans

Talked to Dad today. He was so chipper when he answered the phone. But, I can tell he's really doped up on something. A little loopy lad was he.

I'm still wondering if I should go home for his birthday in March. He's wanting to start traveling in May. I guess we'll have test results by his birthday...there just may not be any free travel rewards seats left to Iowa by that time. Yes, that's right! I've got another free round trip ticket in my possession...or at least, in the account. It's not actually in my hands yet.

My friend Bobbi got him a prayer cloth which was prayed over by her sister's pastors. I guess the church took time to pray for him too. Where is this church? I don't know. But that's SUPER cool and really blessed my dad's heart.

He's a bit worried about the chemo not being over in a few weeks and having to go through round 2 or series 2, I guess I should say. He's had conversations with other people and they've told him he'll get sicker...etc. Just put a bunch of worrisome thoughts in his head. If they've got to do another series, then they do. God's still in control and using this to refine him like gold. Praise God for his infinite wisdom.

In my own life, today I've planned a big shenanigan. So I'll time this post to be posted after it's possible that Jesse could read it. But I've been pretty stressed out today because of all the planning and honestly, worrying. Who wants to worry over a birthday party? Maybe if I didn't make it so hard I wouldn't be worrying. But, always take the harder path...bites back sometimes. So Jesse...hope you liked the party. And since I am writing this before I know what you're planning in retaliation...I hope you got on the bus! Nice interrogation yesterday...by the way...you should join the FBI or at least play one on TV.

Well...that's all for now. I've got gads to read and gads to do! =) Life's good.